Background spoils the Pictures

Shocking Fuck

After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.

'Is this your husband?' he inquired nervously.

'No, silly,' she replied, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend then?' he asked.

'No, not at all,' she said, nibbling away at his ear.

'Well, who is he then?' demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, 'That's me before the operation.'

Fucking for virginity

Honeymoon on 25th anniversary

A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary. As the couple is reflecting on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, 'When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?'

The husband replies, 'All I wanted to do was fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry.'

'What are you thinking now?' the wife asks as she undresses.

The husband quickly replies: 'It looks like I did a pretty good job.'

Similarity between burnt toast and pregnant a girlfriend

QUESTION: What is the similarity between burnt toast and pregnant a girlfriend?

ANSWER: In both cases the guy thinks,'Do second pehle nikal liya hota to kitna acha hota'

BRA - Meter

The Tattoo Puzzle

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of firecrackers on her right thigh, right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put 'Happy Diwali' under the firecrackers.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.

The woman then instructs him to put a tattoo of buckets of water with 'Happy Holi' up on her left thigh.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.

As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, 'If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?'

She said, 'I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Diwali and Holi.'

The Old Drunken Fucker

Three boys are enjoying a quiet night in a pub, when a man stumbles in and orders a beer.

Spying the group, the drunk stumbles over, points at one of the boys and shouts: ‘I’ve fucked your mum!’

The lads ignored him and returned to their beer.

He shouts again: ‘Up the ass!’

Although irritated, they ignore him again. The drunk stands up again points at the boy and yells: ‘Your Mum’s sucked my cock!’

The boy looks up wearily. ‘You’re drunk, Dad. Go home.’

Nun's Last Wish

This nun’s standing at a bus stop when a double-decker pulls up. As she gets on, the nun notices she’s the only passenger on the bus, so she turns to the driver and asks, ‘Could you do me a very special favour, Mr Driver?’

‘If I can,’ he replies. ‘Well, the thing is, I have a serious heart problem and I want to have sex for the first time before I die.’

‘Okay,’ answers the driver.

‘There are two conditions, though,’ continues the nun. ‘Firstly, we can’t do it if you’re married, because I don’t want to commit adultery. Secondly, it has to be anal sex, because I have to die a virgin.’

The bus driver gives a nod, so they clamber upstairs and get down to it. When it’s all over, though, the driver’s racked with guilt. ‘I’m so sorry, Sister, but I have a terrible confession – I’m married with three kids.’

‘Don’t fret, Mr Driver,’ replies the nun, sympathetically. ‘I have a confession, too. I’m on my way to a fancy-dress party and my name’s Kevin.’

Russian Condoms

Russian: Sir we got a huge order from usa for 16 inches condoms. I think it is to embrass us.

Boss: No problem! Complete the order and mark them SMALL SIZE.

Tension, Terror, Horror and Tragedy

Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!

Ex Husband Vs New Husband

Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?

New husband: Not bad. After the first 2 inches, she was brand new.

Similarity between Politician and Porn

Q: What do politicians & porn stars have in common?

A: They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera!

Mistry of BRA

Q: Why did the Grammer teacher slap Santa's Son?

A: B'coz he asked: Why is BRA Singular, when it covers 2 items n PANTIES Plural when it Covers one item?