One day there was a naked man and an elephant, the elephant looks at the naked man 4 a few seconds, then ask the naked man, 'HOW CAN U BREATH THROUGH THAT LITTLE THING?'
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Three Things Women Can Do That Men Can't
Three Things Women Can Do That Men Can't are:
1. Bleed for a week and not die.
2. Give milk without eating grass
3. Bury an eight inch bone faster than any dog!
Welcome the New Wife
The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech:
"My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said "Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years".
"What do you mean my child?" Asked the father in law.
"What I mean dad is (looking at her father in law):
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop at my account, and those who used to Clean should continue cleaning".
"Then what are you here for?" Asked the mother in law.
"As for me, my job is to entertain your son!"
The maid and the husband
A guy calls home from work and a strange woman answers the phone. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answers the woman.
"We don't have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Oh. Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone whom I just naturally figured was her husband."
He'd always suspected, but now he knows. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from the desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with."
"$50,000? Really?"
"Yes."
The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?"
"Uhhh . . . is this 832-4821?"
Husband Vs Wife
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."
Parents and son on a Nude Beach
Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"
The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." Once again the son goes back to play. A short time later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"
Beware of Gay
A guy applied to join a nudist club. "Exactly what do you do here?" he asked. "It's quite simple," said the club secretary, "We take off all our clothes and commune with nature." "Cool," said the guy, "Count me in!" So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off.
As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, 'Beware of Gays. A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing, 'Beware of Gays.' He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and it said, 'Sorry, you've had two warnings!'
Friday, January 9, 2009
Child at Old Age
An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling?
"I've never felt better," he replies. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant with my child!
What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidently grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near the creek, and suddenly he spots a beaver in some brush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella , points it at the beaver and squeezes the handle. BAM! The beaver drops dead in front of him."
"Thats impossible!" said the old man in disbelief, "someone else must have shot the beaver!"
"Bingo!" says the doctor....
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Difference between a Secretary and Personal Secretary
Secretary: Good Morning, Sir.
Personal Secretary: It's morning. Sir.
Sex in the dark
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After 15 minutes of this, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight."
The woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
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