System Error

A woman was having sex with her lover in her apartment, Suddenly she heard her husband arrive. She told her lover, stay like statue and Don't move.

Husband, "Who is this?"

Wife: "This is a robot I bought to have sex with me when you are travelling."

Husband, "Ok let's have sex now."

Wife, "No sweetheart, yesterday I got my period, so I will go and make a cup of coffee for you."

After she left the husband said, "Damn it, I'm so horny, I will fuck this robot!"

He tried fucking.

The lover started talking in a metallic robotic way, "SYSTEM ERROR! WRONG HOLE! SYSTEM ERROR! WRONG HOLE".

Husband, "Damn! robot is not working properly, I'm throwing it out of the window."

The lover realised that he was on the 20th floor so he said, "SOFTWARE UPDATED" PLEASE TRY AGAIN."

Alcohol Poisoning

A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches a reasonably attractive lady sitting by herself:

"May I buy you a cocktail?"

"No thank you," the lady replies, "alcohol is bad for my legs."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

"No, they spread."